Coming Out- Lottie
No matter how any of us in the LGBTQ+ community identify, I think most of us can agree on one thing: coming out is a pretty big fricken' deal. I'm writing today to tell you a bit about my coming out experience and give advice for any of you who are struggling with it.
Like most people. I came out to my friends first. The majority of this happened over text. The first time it happened, my best friend at the time had just told me about her first kiss. Afterwards, she told me that, because I now knew a secret of hers, I should tell her a secret of my own. I saw the opportunity and took it. At first, she took it well, but as time has gone on, she hasn't been quite supportive. Needless to say, we aren't that close anymore.
That was in February of my freshman year of high school. Over the next year and half I came out to many other friends (most of them over text) with nothing but supportive reactions. Then, in the September of my junior year, I finally came out to my immediate family. First, my mom in the car (I chose this method because it was easy to avoid eye contact). I then told all my sisters and dad within the next day. My two younger brothers found out a few months later when one of them saw me on the couch with a girl, sitting a bit closer than "just friends" would.
Finally, and most recently, I came out to my extended family. A cousin texted my sister about a rumor that she'd heard about me. My parents sent out an email to all their brothers and sisters explaining everything.
My main piece of advice regarding coming out is to only do it when you are fairly certain that you'll be safe if whoever you're coming out to has a negative reaction. Do not come out to your parents if you believe that they would kick you out of your home, or cut you off financially, or become abusive in any way. Do not come out to somebody who you believe would use that information to hurt you. First and foremost, keep yourself safe.
That being said, YOU get to decide when things are safe or not. Do not let anybody pressure you into staying in the closet, or coming out before you're ready. This is your life. You get to decide what information you share with what people.
Finally, prepare yourself for a bit of negativity. There more than likely will be people who will be less than accepting of your identity, whether that be a sibling, parent, friend, or stranger on the internet. Be ready for it. I would love to tell you that everything is a piece of cake once you come out, but it's simply not true. There will be people who will not like it. Prepare yourself for them and don't let them bring you down.
I'll conclude by saying that if anybody is struggling with coming out, or with their identity in general, do not hesitate to contact us at Youth Affirming Youth. You are so loved and you matter. We are here to help.